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Disability Strengthens Daughter-Dad Bond
By Patti Pfeiffer
Theirs is truly a special father-daughter relationship, unique from nearly birth. While on active reserve duty far from home Richard Froess received word his daughter had made her debut.
Not long afterward there arrived the frantic call from his wife. Something was wrong, terribly wrong with their child.
Afraid his newborn was dying, the frightened father hurried home, driving from Oklahoma City to New Orleans. He arrived at the hospital to learn the truth -- his daughter was not dying, but was going to be special.
"I had braced myself for the worst. Hearing she was going to live...well, Down syndrome I could handle," recalls the Flower Mound dad.
Though the doctor who delivered Heidi recommended institutionalization, Mr. Froess wouldn't entertain the thought. "I wanted to go with her as far as we could before considering that option."
It was a rough and rugged road. At age 5, Heidi's mom died from cancer leaving the dad to assume dual roles. "I was a single mom of three children, working full-time and serving in the reserves," says Mr. Froess.
Yet he takes little credit, instead acknowledging names of teachers and aids, listing school and church programs which contributed to his daughter's accomplishments. "I had a lot of help along the way. Plenty of people helped raise Heidi."
Doctors, family, friends, even strangers were willing and eager to assist when need arose. Throughout the years Mr. Froess' profession took him overseas for extended periods. Family became stand-ins -- step-parents of sorts.
His daughter's pediatrician was leading edge with special needs children recommending Heidi start school early and be mainstreamed. "Being assimilated allowed her to interact and for others to learn about and benefit from someone special."
However, being special has never allotted Heidi special treatment. "When she was old enough to understand, I disciplined her like my other kids. I don't believe in spoiling children," explains the dad before sharing a story of a public spanking. Witnessing the treatment, a nearby stunned parent walked toward the father as the spanking ceased.
"I was expecting a fight. Instead the lady commended me, telling me how her own daughter didn't discipline her children and they were terrors.
"Heidi has always been well-behaved. I don't understand how parents can't and don't discipline, how they allow their kids to run wild. When I see kids out of control I want to scream 'why don't you get your kids under control. My child has bigger problems than yours and has never been allowed to act like that.'"
Mr. Froess eagerly tells Heidi tales, highlighting memorable moments. There was the time he tried to convince his daughter that the green nacho topping was jalapeņo.
"Oh, this is an embarrassing story," Heidi giggles as the account unfolds.
"She wouldn't listen, insisting it was cucumber. So I told her to go on and she stuffed it into her mouth," her dad said.
Like it happened only seconds ago, instead of years back, Heidi fans her mouth as if the burning was occurring.
And there's their favorite German restaurant in Fort Worth where Heidi has been known to entertain diners with her Elvis Presley dancing.
Heidi's eager to share her favorite thing: "Hanging out with my dad."
Asked what she loves most about her dad, she's ready with a reply. "He's funny, he's an awesome dad and he's a wonderful father."
No doubt the feeling is very mutual, as is the respect and admiration. "There's nothing more I'd rather talk about than Heidi. She's a model of what a person with Down syndrome can accomplish. Seeing her, people realize the potential and things that can be accomplished, that Down syndrome is not something to be depressed about. Parents of special needs children shouldn't listen to naysayers, but get their children into programs, discover and pull out their potential."
At 35, Heidi has a very busy life, working both inside and outside of home. She does laundry as well as other chores, including her favorite -- mowing. "We live on two acres and Heidi has a special area she mows."
For the past 10 years, Heidi has held two jobs, stocking early mornings at Petsmart and bagging groceries afternoons at a Flower Mound Kroger -- another achievement that prompts a huge kuddo.
"I'm very proud of what Heidi's accomplished. She functions like a regular person and pays her own way. She's never accepted government assistance. She's not a drag on society and carries her own weight," the proud papa boasts. "Ten percent of her earnings go to the church and the rest into her savings."
Yes, Heidi contributes more than many. She gives so much, to so many and in immeasurable, intangible ways: modeling a grin, giving a giggle, extending a greeting. To meet Heidi is to know Heidi. She knows no strangers. She's that friendly, that kind-hearted and that caring. She is indeed special, in several ways -- as is this father-daughter duo.
Patti Pfeiffer is a columnist for Star Local News, freelance writer and author. She can be reached at pattip913@msn.com
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