Who will be with you in your time of need?

It is not exactly a revelation for me to say that all people need at least one person who they know would "be there for them," when they they are in need. Certainly a lot of people do have this in place in their lives, and thankfully so. For adults, if we are married, or in a committed relationship, we would hope that our husband, wife or significant other would fill that need, though it certainly doesn't always happen. I have heard from numerous married people over the years in my counseling office that they really didn't trust that their spouse would unquestioningly be available for them if they were in deep need. That would be deeply concerning, wouldn't it? And a sad state of affairs!

I have also heard more than one person over the years say that if they were to die that no one would even know about it. If that expression doesn't touch your heart, son, there is something wrong with you.

I define "being there for another person" as meaning that if we need someone they will drop what they are doing and come be with us, or take our call, no matter what. It is the most foundational commitment of marriage.

The same goes for family members. My youngest daughter is about 350 miles away in college, and I tell all my clients that if my daughter calls while we are in a counseling session, I will take the call. If she is not in "need," which nearly always she is not, I tell her I will call her back at the end of the session. Since my counseling schedule is somewhat unpredictable, she has no way of knowing when I am available or not, and I never want her, or any of my other children, all grown, to hesitate contacting me. With almost everyone having cell phones these days, I expect my clients to do the same for important people in their lives and to my knowledge, all persons, with one exception, have understood this position and respected it.

Surely most of us would expect members of our immediate family to be present when we need them. In many families, we would also hope that close relatives would also do the same. At my age, all my uncles and aunts have long since departed, as well as my closest cousin. However, I am close to a couple of sisters-in-law that I know would do anything for me if they could, and certainly have several nephews that would do anything for me, beyond question, beyond doubt. They know I would do the same for them, as we all "have each others back."

Finally, we are fortunate indeed if we have friends that would go through hell if necessary to get to us to provide support or relief. Locally I have witnessed a generous friend reach out to help out an individual that is his friend as well as mine, by not only physically extending himself while staying with the other through surgery, but even paid for the surgery. There friendship has not been one way, though, as the other person has been very instrumental in nurturing one of his daughters as she has been navigating herself through early adulthood for several years. I am also confident that either of these men would do whatever they could for me if I were to ask.

I consider myself to be a very fortunate person in this regard as I have so many friends that if I needed them, their presence would constitute a crowd. I hope and think that they all know, beyond doubt, that I would do the same for them.

Doug Smith is a licensed professional counselor. 972-436-6227, doug@ccclewisville.com or visit his website at ccclewisville.com

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